That seems to be the trendy word of the day. Style and design in 2019 have definitely taken a “minimalist” turn. Simple lines, few colors, and functionality have dominated interior decorating styles. Marie Kondo’s philosophy of tossing anything that doesn’t “bring joy” has spread far and wide. Fashion and cosmetic trends are also reflecting this minimalist influence. Basic colors prevail with a distinct absence of frills and fluff.

So with this emphasis on simplicity and the elimination of anything extra and unnecessary, why is everyone still running around stressed giving the standard answer of “So busy!” when asked how they are? It seems families have packed every minute of their week with some critical activity that they just can’t possibly cancel. Dinners are eaten in the car in between events. Weekends are scheduled weeks if not months ahead and no time exists for impromptu gatherings. No one dares call a friend for fear of interrupting some special event, so brief text messages have become the common mode of communication.

Is this what God wants for us? Is this “busyness” the pattern that the Lord wants for our time? Does it leave time for us to hear His voice? Does it give our children opportunities to learn how to make decisions about time management? Or does it keep our eyes so focused on the GPS that we miss the gorgeous colors of the sunset? Does it keep our schedule so tight that the thought of taking dinner over to a sick friend, becomes a huge burden and annoyance?

My understanding from Scripture is that the Lord wants us to simplify, focus on the things that He values, and leave the rest up to Him. . As the school year starts, I would encourage you to take a good hard look at the activities you are adding into your schedule and evaluate whether they are the “best” use of your time or only a “good” use of your time. Many things which you can choose to be involved in are “good,” but have you prioritized your calendar for those activities which are the “best” use of your time? Filling your lives with so much “busyness” keeps you blind to other things God might be calling you to. Filling your lives with “busyness” keeps your eyes on worldly goals and accomplishments and takes them off of Jesus.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

If you follow the “pattern of this world,” you will be very busy and your eyes will be taken off God’s best for your lives. You are in charge of what extras you add to your lives. You are in charge of whether you plan downtime into your family’s day. You are in charge of whether you put God’s priorities first over worldly goals and aspirations.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:22
​
So let’s start applying that “minimalist” trend to our calendars this fall!

Our church is finishing up an 8 week read through of the books of Judges through 2 Kings. We have just been reading about when Solomon asked God asked for Wisdom. It got me thinking….what should I be asking God for? What should I encourage our Coastal families to ask for? I decided that we would all do well to follow Solomon’s example and ask God for wisdom on a daily basis.

What does it mean to seek wisdom? Wisdom has two basic connotations. At first thought, we think wisdom means a vast amount of knowledge. Upon deeper thought though, the word wisdom implies using that vast amount of knowledge to make well thought out decisions. We, as parents and especially as homeschool parents, need to be seeking both aspects of this widely sought after quality. We know from scripture that God put a high priority on the role of parents and we see how often children suffered at the hands of unwise and ungodly parents. If we are to take our job as parents seriously, we should be begging God for wisdom daily.

To be a life-long learner requires humility. It requires a clear understanding of our imperfect nature and limited knowledge. It requires a clear understanding of our desperate need for a savior. It demands that we run from the trap of becoming prideful . Proverbs is full of warnings against pride and its detriment to obtaining wisdom.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2)
A prideful arrogant parent will be the destruction of their family. This will result in a hardened unteachable spirit which resists godly counsel for course correction. It causes a parent to oppose seeking advice when they enter a new stage of parenting thinking they know it all already. A prideful arrogant person while not being able to see the sin in their own lives often becomes a fault finder in others. Jesus warns us about that danger with his comments about removing the plank in our own eye in Matthew 7. The children suffer from living with this kind of harsh spirit. A child of an arrogant parent grows up feeling insecure and unloved knowing they can never measure up to receive their parent’s approval. And worse yet, they aren’t taught to go to their Heavenly Father and miss the blessings of His protection and love.

My prayer for us this month is that we follow Solomon’s example and seek wisdom from the Lord and avoid this warning:
“In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.” (Psalm 10:4)

In His service,
Susan Truman

​Who would have thought that those chalky tasting pieces of candy would be in the news so much this year?! People seem so upset that they won’t be able to buy the Necco brand of the little Valentine Sweetheart Conversation Hearts for the first time since 1886! It got me to thinking about what makes them so special??? Why are they such a special tradition over M&M’s or even See’s candy??…… It’s the words on them!
​
Words. They are very powerful! God used them in the creation of the world. He chose them to be the means of communicating with mankind. And He gave them to us as a beautiful way of communicating with each other. A carefully crafted sentence with rich vocabulary can communicate in ways that non-verbal communication never can. As the mother of a non-verbal autistic son who has never uttered a word in his 24 years of life, I have learned how precious the gift of communication with words is. Don’t get me wrong, I treasure the deep eye contact he gives me where it feels like he can see straight through to my soul and his habit of leaning in with his forehead to touch mine with his and I know that is his way of saying how important I am to him. But to be honest, I long to be able to communicate with him in words – to hear him describe his thoughts and dreams. How precious that will be when we are together in eternity!

Perhaps it is my experience with Nicky that fills me with such grief when I hear spouses share harsh words of irritation with each other or a parent speak crushing criticisms to their child. Words are a beautiful gift and as so many verses in Proverbs tell us, they have amazing power to build up, and the deadly potential to destroy.

Proverbs 15:4 “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
Proverbs 18:20 “Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction.”
Proverbs 15: 1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger.”
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

My intention is not to do an exhaustive Bible study about how we are to use words, but just to cause you during this Valentine month where we are focusing on how to share love with others, to stop and weigh your words carefully. Ask yourself if they will be edifying and loving or if they are rooted in a selfish desire to just “say what you want to say.” Harsh and cruel words can never be retracted. As James 3:8 tells us “no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” Thankfully, we as believers have the help of the Holy Spirit to get control of the things we say. We CAN have victory!

Think about those candy hearts. Think about the pain of receiving one that said “U R STUPID” instead of one that said “U R SPECIAL.” Let’s give out loving candy hearts this month to our friends and family in the form of beautiful loving words and throw the mean selfish ones away!

In His service,
​Susan Truman

​“Don’t touch that!” “Wash your hands!” “Cover your mouth when you cough!” How many times have you said those things the past few months as we have been dealing with the start of the winter cold season? We are always so focused on keeping our kids from getting around any kinds of germs that are contagious!

Here’s a new thought for the New Year! How about deliberately exposing your kids (and yourselves) to contagious situations?! Sounds crazy, right? I remember when my oldest was little, we deliberately exposed him to our friend’s child who had chicken pox, so we could get it over with while he was younger and it wasn’t as dangerous (yes, I’m that old that we didn’t have chicken pox vaccines back then!) As you approach the new year, what about intentionally exposing your children to some positive contagious attitudes?

What attitude do you want your children to “catch” this year?

Want them to have a more grateful spirit? Look for potential friends for your children whom you have seen be appreciative for their blessings and not demanding and whiny.

Want to see your kids demonstrate a more compassionate heart for their siblings? Invite a family over from your church whom you have seen giving to others in need even when they are struggling themselves.

Want them to be excited about learning? Consider your attitude about learning new things. You know your kids spend more time with you than anyone else. Are you excited about learning new things and seeking out new books to read? Are you sharing with them your wonder of God’s creation when you go on a nature walk and you see some new plant or new cloud formation in the sky? Are you seeking to surround yourself with people who inspire you to learn more so that you can in turn inspire your children to learn more?

Do you want your kids to be filled with peace and an ability to conquer anxiety? Provide opportunities for your children to be stretched with responsibilities that are just a bit out of reach and don’t protect them every minute. Give them room to fail, so they can “catch” the attitude that God is still in control in their lives even in the tough times. Share with them about the struggles you are going through and how God is filling your heart with peace.

As we know, our role as parents is very influential! God gave us a very important job. The question shouldn’t be “Am I contagious?” but “Am I spreading germs that I want my child to catch?”  In the New Year, take a look in the mirror and make sure that you are showing attitudes that you want your children to “catch.” If you are aren’t exhibiting a positive contagious spirit, take to heart the words of Paul to the Corinthians:
 
“Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. Now I praise you because you remember me in everything and hold firmly to the traditions, just as I delivered them to you.”
(1 Corinthians 11:1-2)

Let’s spread a “Christ-like Flu” in 2019!

In His service,
​Susan Truman

​Christmas! That word brings so many beautiful happy thoughts!! Sparkling lights! Beautiful gifts! Happy family gatherings! Fireplaces! Delicious food! Surprise gifts! Music that touches the heart! Love!!

What would be the impact on this precious holiday if we put “Give Grace” at the top of our Gift List? That is my prayer for you this month. We always want other people to show us grace, give us the benefit of the doubt, and forgive us when we are selfish or careless. What if we led the way by following Christ’s example and made a conscious effort to extend grace to others this season? Wouldn’t our world be a more peaceful and loving place? Think about it! Instead of jumping to the conclusion that someone meant to be rude to us, or someone meant to take us for granted, or someone was deliberately trying to hurt our feelings – what if we stopped ourselves from assuming the worst? What if we stopped thinking about ourselves and our hurt feelings and instead asked the other person who we think has done us some wrong how they are and what they are struggling with? What if we extended them the same grace that we always want others to show to us? Christ calls us to love everyone and show them grace and forgiveness.

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

How beautiful it is to see children who have been brought up with a spirit of grace and I get to witness them showing grace and forgiveness to others instead of being self-focused and getting their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. My heart is so warmed and encouraged when I am able to observe a child reduce their focus on "fairness" and "justice" and put a higher focus on love and forgiveness! We, as parents have a huge responsibility to teach our children about God's grace, the beautiful free gift the Lord gives us that we don't deserve!

When we fully grasp our fallen nature and God’s amazing love and mercy for us, how can we possibly withhold grace and be critical of others? That is the true beauty of Christmas! God loves us so very much that He sent Jesus at Christmas to save us from our sinful selves. How can we hold onto that and claim it for ourselves and not pass it on to others around us?

I am praying that you wrap up a big dose of “Grace” and give it to everyone on your list this year!

In His service,

​Susan Truman

The holidays!! Like it or not, they are almost here. We are moving into a time of Thanksgiving, where we will all be preparing for the annual conversation around the Thanksgiving dining table about what we are each thankful for. I would like to propose to you that a big part of developing a thankful spirit in our children comes from making serving others a priority for them.

A heart for service can be seen in a 4 year old’s life and a 44 year old’s life. It can be seen in a busy person’s life or a retired person’s life. In other words, we are all called to have hearts of service.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” (Galatians 5:13)
​
This is not in our nature, nor is it encouraged by our society. Our nature is to seek to satisfy our own desires and to put them before the needs of others.  Society tells us that we are to “watch out for #1” and to “love yourself.” It is not an automatic thing for us to put our desires aside and sacrificially do something for someone else.  

Our children need to be taught the character trait of serving. You have to be intentional about this. Be looking for opportunities to serve others either as individuals or as a family. Here is one of those very important times as a parent to lead by example. If you are regularly coming a few minutes early to events and offering to help set up or staying late to help clean up, your children will grow up to think that is normal. If you are frequently making a double serving of dinner and taking the extra to a shut-in neighbor, it will be normal for your children to make up a batch of cookies to take over to them also.

By sacrificially doing things for others and spending time with other people who are less fortunate than themselves, children are more likely to develop a thankful spirit or have an “Attitude of Gratitude.” And when we obey our Heavenly Father’s command to “serve one another humbly in love,” we will be blessed. Let’s not undermine our children’s potential of receiving God’s blessings by not teaching them about service.

At Coastal, we feel pretty passionate about this and that is why a few years ago we adopted our Community Service Hours program. Our high school students are required to complete a minimum of 25 hours/year of community service and students of all ages are encouraged to participate in the Presidential Service Awards program and receive recognition at Graduation. It is a tool for you to use to help you in teaching your children the principle of Galatians 5:13.

This year, may your Thanksgiving celebration be all the richer because everyone around your table has a heart of service as well as of gratitude.

Giving thanks for you,
Susan Truman

Have you ever spent time blowing up a large balloon only to have your fingers slip, the balloon escapes from you, flies across the room, and all the air leaves the balloon? How discouraging it is to have emptied your lungs for nothing and have to do it all over again!

A few harsh words of criticism to your children can do a quick job of deflating them, and undo all your efforts in building them up. As homeschooling parents who are both teacher and parent, balancing between constructive correction and criticism is a challenging job. They have opposite effects on a child. Correction can build up a child. It is empowering for him as he receives tools and specifics for improvement. Criticism however, deflates a child, causing them to retreat in a broken and hurt state feeling rejected. Correction can cause a child to thoughtfully examine themselves while criticism usually results in a child responding with defensive denial of any wrongdoing on their part. A child tends to start blaming others and move farther and farther away from the developing the humble teachable spirit that the Lord wants us all to exhibit.

So, how can we avoid this destructive trap? The Lord calls us to give gentle instruction (2 Tim 2:25) and to work towards gentle restoration (Gal 6:1.) There is no place in Godly correction for harsh words and tone of voice. When we must correct our children, we need to make sure our motives are pure (Phil 2:3.) We should not be trying to get even with our kids, to compete with them to feed our egos, or to get our own way. We are called to come in humility (Prov. 22:4.) Constructive correction addresses specific behavior and does not make generalizations. For example, “You need to finish your math homework before you can play your video game” vs “You are so lazy and never get your work done on time!” There is no place in correction for comparing your child to their sibling or friends. That will only destroy. God does not say to me “Susan, why can’t you be like the other godly people in your church who give so much time to me?” He says “Susan, remember to ask me before you say yes to anyone else about priorities for your time.” Correction should always include specific steps for our children to take to make a change. Another very powerful thing we can do as parents in helping our children respond positively to correction is to model that for them. With humility, let your children know about times you have received correction and about the things you are working on to improve.
Remember Christian homeschooling is all about discipling our children and when we deflate their spirits with selfish words of criticism, we are not doing our job.  Praying the Lord will give you the clarity to see the difference between correction and criticism and help to inflate your children’s lives with the Word of God!

In His service,
 
Susan

I am so in awe of Christ’s resurrection! Because of the Resurrection, I can walk by faith and not by sight. As I look back over my life, in all those moments that I walked by faith and followed the Lord’s direction instead of walking by sight and doing what seemed logical, God worked in amazing ways.

When everyone counseled us to not take my mom in to live with us when she couldn’t pay for her housing anymore, I was able to walk by faith and take her in anyway and care for her for 25 years. When family finances didn’t look like it made sense for me to stay at home and be a homeschool mom, I was able to walk by faith and stay home anyway and watch God work in very creative ways to bring our finances together. When God allowed us to become parents to a severely autistic child, I grew to live in peace (eventually!) and not in constant fear of what our future holds. When my husband had a heart attack two years ago and it looked like I might lose him, I was able to walk by faith that God has the perfect amount of days numbered for our lives. There is power in the Resurrection!!

My hope for you this Eastertide is that you will be able to impart to your children the power the Resurrection can have in their lives. Look for opportunities to encourage them to make choices based on faith in Christ and not based on what the world is telling them to do. Teach them to make the hard decisions to obey Christ and not to do what seems wise in their own eyes. May the amazing fact that Christ rose from the dead, give you faith that you can trust Him and be obedient to Him.
​
Praying for you and your family to have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!

So, how has your new year been so far? I bet most of you answered that in your heads as “busy!” As we head into the month of February and the stores force us to think about love and gifts for loved ones, my question for you is “Is your life so busy that you are too busy for love?”

Are you too busy to pick up the phone when a friend calls? Are you too busy to read your emails that you end up missing the one asking you to sign up to bring a meal to a friend’s family who is in a crisis?  Are you too busy to recognize when your child just needs you to sit with them and listen instead of driving them to the next “amazing experience?” Are you too busy to stop and think of something thoughtful you could do for your spouse today? Are you too busy to find 15 minutes to spend alone with your Heavenly Father each day?

There are so many passages in Scripture which instruct us on how to love but the one that God kept bringing to my mind as I was mulling over this “busyness problem” is the well-known passage in Luke 10 about Mary & Martha. Jesus is over at their house and Martha is stressed and busy in the kitchen preparing food while Mary sits as Jesus’ feet and listens to his teaching. Jesus admonishes Martha that her “busyness” is not the better path.

How often are we the “Marthas” who are just “too busy” to stop and pick the better path? This month as we focus on love, I encourage you to stop and be intentional about making space in your life to build into the community around you. Drop some of these activities that the world has told you that you have to be involved in and seek God’s direction for investing in the lives of people around you. Make time to get to Park Day and sit and deepen a friendship with another parent. Make it a priority to get to a Mom’s Night Out where God may well have a divine appointment for you to make a new friend. Open up your schedule so that when a friend needs you to bring them dinner or pick up their mail while they are on vacation, you can do it happily. There are so many opportunities around us every day to be loving and share God’s love and we don’t even see them as we are rushing to our next activity.
 
Slow down and create space in your life for love!
“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17
​